Shades of Sincerity
by Sakata Ri Houjun
Summary: Tasuki watches over Chichiri who has taken ill after rescuing him from a watery grave, all the while feeling guilty for having feelings for the older man.


Here's a little something that I came up with after waking up one morning. Just a short little sappy story full of fluff.

Feedback is my sustenance. Right now, I'm starving so feed me or else I won't write anymore.

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Shades of Sincerity

By Sakata Ri Houjun

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Tasuki sat before the fireplace, uncaring of the crackling flames that seared his skin. His golden eyes were instead focused on the unmoving figure huddled beneath a heap of blankets on the bed. Chichiri had long since drifted off into an uneasy sleep, his fever-wracked body too weary to remain awake, leaving the young bandit alone in the semi-dark room.

The redhead heaved a tired sigh as he felt the suffocating heat pressing all around him, tempting him to join his friend in slumber. He shifted in his chair, staving off the urge and thought once again as to how Chichiri had ended up in this predicament, an event that had been replaying itself many times every night since the monk took ill.

He continued to mentally kick himself for what he did that day. His friend was right; he should have heeded the warning that was apparent the moment the clouds began to thicken. But no, he had to be dense enough to insist that they continue onward rather than head back.

The second sign was the thunder rolling through the hills, announcing the coming storm. Again, Chichiri suggested that they should find a cave or head back to the town. And again, Tasuki had to be adamant, saying that they could make it.

But the gods, as it would seem, had other plans for the two seishi.

Within moments, the overcastted and peaceful day had changed drastically into a tempest that appeared to be centered on the bandit and his companion. The winds had whipped up into a frenzy that tore at their clothes. The rain pelted down, stinging their bare skin and effectively blinding them from the path. They struggled wildly against the elements, hoping to find some scant shelter to wait out this storm.

That was when Tasuki grudgingly consented to Chichiri's urgings that they turn back. That was when the monk began to turn around to lead the way back to the city they left from that morning. And that was when Tasuki slipped.

The younger seishi's boot hit some loose rocks that were well past slick with the ongoing downpour. He lost his balance and slid down the steep bank, vainly attempting to gain purchase among the mud and loose stone. His cries had alerted his friend who watched with shock as Tasuki then plunged into the river at the bottom of the gully.

Without even a thought for his own safety, the monk followed his friend's path down the slippery incline, stopping short of the shore. By that point, Tasuki was being swept away downriver, and struggling frantically to keep his head above water as he wasn't exactly the best of swimmers. His equilibrium was spun in every direction as he struggled madly against the flow.

The bandit could at least remember that much clearly even through his panic hazed memories of the event. The rest was so much of a blur. There seemed to be no bottom to the river, or perhaps the current was too swift for him to have a chance of finding the bed. He kept swallowing one mouthful of water after another, choking down the frigid liquid. Tasuki lashed out with every ounce of his strength, but with nothing solid to fight against, it was hopeless. He was certain that he would die, and his friend, who had lost so much to floods in the past, would be forced to watch.

But then his right hand hit something solid, firm, and warm. Out of instinct, he latched on to it, not caring what it was. In turn, he felt it clutching at him, just as desperately, and such warmth spilt into his battered body, igniting his ki. He opened his eyes to see Chichiri perched on the bank, his mask gone, straining with all the strength he had in his lean frame. 

For a moment, Tasuki was scared that it was too much for his friend, that he would end up pulling Chichiri into the waters with him and they both would die. He was about to shout out for the monk to let go when he felt his symbol flaring to life, fueled by Chichiri's ki, the source of that warmth. In reaction, there came a sudden burst of crimson-colored light that surrounded them both, but if either from Tasuki or Chichiri, the bandit didn't know.

Nor did he care, for in that moment, he found himself sputtering and coughing, his burning lungs filling with much needed air as he was cradled against his friend's chest. He became aware of a thundering heartbeat that was rapidly beating against his ear as the rise and fall of Chichiri's ribcage attested that his lungs were laboring to breathe as well.

It seemed then that the gods had taken pity on the two seishi as the storm let up enough to allow the bandit to realize that both he and Chichiri were exposed still to the storm. Although worn out and feeling as if he could sleep forever, Tasuki still found the strength to lift his head from the older man's chest and take notice of their salvation, a cave.

This realization that their sanctuary lay within reach, the young seishi pulled himself to his feet and then helped his weak friend up as well. With each step closer, he found his energy returning. Once inside the fissure, the downpour started up again, picking up in intensity.

Chichiri had gratefully collapsed into a heap on the rocky floor, curling up into a fetal position and shivering violently. Tasuki, feeling his strength rebuilding, worked quickly, building a small fire with the scant pieces of wood found in the cave and stripping the monk of his sodden clothes. He then sat there, wishing there was more he could do as Chichiri's shivering began to die off once the small enclosure warmed up.

Although Tasuki should have been the one to get sick, as he did fall into the river, it was Chichiri whose body was wracked with fever. The young bandit leader grew apprehensive with worry because he knew that the reason he didn't take ill was because his dear friend had given him all of his ki, leaving the monk in turn unguarded from the elements. There wasn't much else he could do for the older seishi except gather more wood to keep the fire going and watch over his friend, who didn't improve in the slightest, until the storm let up.

Chichiri kept sliding between consciousness and sleep, and even then it didn't do much to alleviate Tasuki's distress. The monk slept most of the time, tossing and turning constantly, and when he was awake, he was too weak to really do much except take a little water. The redhead was grateful when the storm had spent itself completely. By then, Chichiri's clothes were dry and he could carry his friend back to the city.

Once they returned, he ventured straight to the nearest inn and demanded a room, some food, and a doctor. If either intimidated by his reputation, appearance, or the fact that he carried an unconscious monk in his arms, he didn't care; his commands were met without any hesitation.

A room was prepared with a roaring fire and a clean bed, which he placed Chichiri on. Warm food was brought which he picked at while waiting for the doctor to arrive. When the physician did show up, Tasuki had hovered over the poor man's shoulder waiting impatiently for the pronouncement that would make his fears reality. However, the elderly man, who had heard the story earlier from the bandit, explained that the monk was going to be fine. All they could do was keep his liquid intake up and simply wait out the fever.

Tasuki had never been so relieved in all his life. He profusely thanked the doctor and then returned to his vigil at his friend's side once he was gone. That had been a week ago. 

Chichiri was still drifting in and out of sleep, never saying anything coherent enough for Tasuki to make out. Meanwhile, the bandit was berating himself for having been so stupid as to not heed the older seishi's warning about the impending storm. The only good thing that had happened was that Chichiri's fever had indeed gone down, but he still slept on.

The bandit faced the fire, unable to bear the idea that Chichiri might never wake up. Perhaps the drain on his ki was too much for the monk to handle. But whatever the reason, Tasuki was still concerned and fearful.

Then his thoughts shattered with the scream. It was long, shrill, and filled with terror. In a heartbeat, Tasuki sprung to his feet and whirled around to find Chichiri sitting upright in the bed, the blankets clutched in his shaking hands, his pale skin pure white in color, and his single eye wide with fear.

In two strides, Tasuki was by his friend's side, attempting to calm him down, as he was still sick. However, the monk was caught in some waking nightmare, thrashing blindly as Tasuki coaxed him to lie down. In the chaos, one slim hand caught the bandit square in the jaw, knocking him back with astounding force. For a moment, he stood there, cupping his face in shock. The next, he was straddling his friend and pinning him down by the shoulders firmly.

Chichiri continued to fight, but soon fatigue claimed his weakened body and he settled even though his eye remained open and staring in fear, tears starting to well up within the mahogany depth. 

the bandit questioned, wondering what was wrong. The older man continued to stare for a moment before slowly blinking, as if coming awake. Then recognition dawned in that mahogany gaze.

His voice was dry and soft, barely a whisper. Tasuki's grip loosened as a relieved smile broke over his face and he sat back.

How are ya feeling?

Chichiri seemed to take in their surroundings and his state of dress before answering the question. Tired, no da. How long have I been out?

About a week. I've been worried. He waited for the older seishi to explain, to give some sort of reason for the unexpected reaction earlier that had warranted his attention. 

The monk noticed the inquisitive stare. Nani? Why are you looking at me like that?

Tasuki felt afraid for a moment, and then decided to press the issue. Did you have a dream or something while you were out?

Shock ran through Chichiri's heart, afraid that he might have been talking in his delirium, or worse. Why do you ask?

Tasuki pursed his lips and looked away. Nan demo nai. I was just wondering. He slid off the bed and walked over to where Chichiri's clothes lay waiting for their owner, clean and dry. He picked up the deep green pants and tossed them over to the monk.

Chichiri sat up, feeling his whole body protest. That was to be expected after being ill for a week with only water for sustenance. He pulled back the covers, feeling a shiver work through his weakened body at the loss of heat, so he could tug on his pants. he ventured after a while.

he answered back, turning around to face his friend again.

I'm kind of hungry, no da. He gave a tired little smile.

Tasuki felt his own face mirroring the monk's expression as he then moved to the fireside where his untouched bowl of stew sat. Without meeting the monk's gaze, he handed over the still warm bowl and then returned to his chair by the fire. Chichiri watched his friend a moment before turning his attention to the food, his stomach giving an audible growl. Slowly he ate, being careful to not rush even though he was starving.

Eventually, the bandit faced Chichiri again, disbelieving that the older man was okay, as if he hadn't been so ill. And then the scene of just a few moments earlier replayed in his mind and his brow creased in confusion. Did Chichiri not truly remember what he had been hallucinating about before waking up?

The cerulean-haired seishi felt the scrutiny of Tasuki's stare and looked up. He sighed as he placed the empty bowl on the nearby table. You look like you have something on your mind, no da.

Tasuki jerked, taken aback by this question and quickly looked away. I'm just relieved that you're okay.

That's not it, and we both know it. His voice had lost the playful tone from before and that caused Tasuki's gaze to be drawn back to him once again. The monk still couldn't meet his eyes though. You asked about my dream, no da.

The bandit swallowed hard, knowing that he managed to step in something that he shouldn't have. Yeah, well

You must have had reason to, no da. Chichiri interrupted. Was it something I did while unconscious, na no da? He looked up just as Tasuki involuntarily rubbed a finger along his jaw, right at the place where Chichiri had hit him.

It's nothing, like I said.

You may be right. It probably is nothing. Demo he trailed off and then sighed resolutely. I hurt you, didn't I?

You caught me off guard, that's all. The bandit protested.

Chichiri shook his head. It's still no excuse. And I do owe you an explanation. He tilted his head up and smiled sadly as he patted next to him on the bed, extending an invitation to the younger seishi to join him.

Cautiously, Tasuki rose from his seat before the fire and sat beside his companion among the covers. He waited with baited breath, his heart pounding fiercely, for Chichiri to begin, not wanting to hurry his friend in any way.

The cerulean-haired seishi glanced down once at his hands and peered back up to Tasuki before taking a cleansing breath and beginning. You remember, Tasuki, what happened to me in my youth?

You mean that thing with you, Hikou and Kouran?

Chichiri nodded, his posture slouching slightly with sadness at the mentioned names. Hai. Well, when I saw you falling into that river, knowing that you couldn't swim, I thought that it was all happening again.

But you didn't force me to the bank. It was my damned stubbornness to stay out there even with the storm coming And gravity. the bandit protested.

Chichiri shook his head slightly. Still, I felt as if the water was robbing me of the only thing left in this life that I valued. That's why I gave you all of my ki when I attempted to pull you in from the current. I didn't want to lose you too.

But you didn't, Chiri. I'm right here.

You weren't with me in my nightmares. he whispered. 

The younger man placed one hand upon his friend's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. Chichiri looked up with tears gleaming in his whole eye and a sad smile on his face. What did you see?

That day I lost my village, my family, my fiancée, my eyeeverything. I was right back there again, lying on the riverbank, fighting against the current to cling to that hand all over again. Except he trailed off as he looked back down at his hands once more. Except it wasn't Hikou I was trying to save. It was you

The monk nodded. Hai. I could see you clutching my hand desperately, just as Hikou had done in those final moments. I was your only lifeline, I could save you from a watery death if I could just keep holding on to you. Demo, I knew what was coming next. I could feel it rather than see it, the incoming branch. You saw it too and tried to let go, but I didn't want to.

Then it hit and I he faltered for a moment as he inhaled a shaky breath. It all happened again. Only this time, I lost you too.

Finding himself at a loss of what to say, Tasuki reached over and pulled Chichiri to him, understanding the heart-wrenching scream that had been torn earlier from the older man's throat. Little did the monk realize that he had been close to pulling free from his grip, willing to sacrifice his own life to ensure that Chichiri wouldn't be yanked into the river with him. But he wasn't about to tell him that.

Instead, he held the smaller man close, feeling him wrap his slender arms around his waist as he snuffled and whimpered, lacking the energy to cry properly. After a while, once Chichiri seemed to have calmed down, he slowly leaned the older man back against the pillows, certain that this exertion of energy should have worn the poor monk out. 

But Chichiri refused to let Tasuki go, his arms weakly clinging to him as if he were afraid this was another dream. The bandit flashed an assuring smile, his fiery bangs falling into his eyes, before he felt the older man's arms loosen slightly. He drew away, never breaking contact with the monk's gaze.

See, I'm still here. he stated lightly. It was just a horrible dream. 

Chichiri smiled. Stay with me until I fall asleep, Tasuki. Onegai?

The young bandit gave a slight nod before rising to tuck his friend in snugly. He may have been feeling better, but he still was sick and couldn't afford to catch a chill. Tasuki then strode over to the fire, feeding it more wood before snatching up the monk's kesa to wrap himself in. He settled next to Chichiri in the narrow bed, both flipping on their sides to allow the other room.

Now the two of them were facing each other, Tasuki's eyes full of concern and worry, Chichiri's full of doubt and uncertainty. Finally the older man broke eye contact as he gave a slight shudder.

Tasuki asked to which Chichiri nodded. The younger man tugged the kesa up until it also covered the monk's body as well. Chichiri flushed slightly as he gave a slight shake of the head. Tasuki pulled the kesa up over their heads, plunging the two of them into an enclosed darkness. The younger seishi could feel Chichiri's breath gusting against his face, warm and sweet. How's this?

Better, no da. he whispered softly.

Tasuki couldn't see his companion's face, but he could have sworn he could detect a hint of smile behind that statement. Why don't you get some sleep?

The came a soft sigh as a reply and Tasuki closed his eyes. Then Chichiri's voice drifted in the warm darkness. 

He cracked open one eye.

For what?

staying with me and looking after me while I was sick.

Tasuki gnawed on his lip. Well, it's the least I can do after you risked you neck for me and pulled my sorry ass out of the river.

There was a hesitant pause and then Chichiri spoke up again. I really meant what I said earlier, about not wanting to lose you too.

I know, Chiri. You've lost so much more than anyone I've ever met. You had every right to be afraid. I just wish I could sympathize better with you.

You're a good friend, Tasuki, just as good as Hikou. Maybe even better.

Tasuki snorted softly. Nanda? Because I didn't steal your fiancée?

He could feel Chichiri shift slightly. Iya. Just because of what we went through together.

There was another slight pause before Tasuki ventured further. Would you have hated me too?

If it had been me who stole Kouran away from you, never mind that I was only like eleven at the time and had never met you, would you have reacted the same way?

Again, he could feel Chichiri shift. I don't know

I mean, you did love her, right?

Hai. She was the most important person to me at the time. Demo, I was just a kid back then.

Tasuki thought hard for a moment as how to word his next question. I know Hikou kissed her, but did you

For a minute, he was afraid that Chichiri wouldn't answer. Then came the hesitant, 

I respected her, Tasuki. I was only seventeen when I proposed and eighteen when I lost her. It wouldn't have been right before we were he trailed off and sighed wistfully.

Did ya ever kiss any other girls?

Chichiri jerked slightly. I loved Kouran.

Tasuki chuckled good-naturedly. Before you proposed, baka. I mean, were there any other girls that you, ya know, practiced on?

He could swear he felt Chichiri blushing. 

Why not, if you don't mind my asking? And don't tell me that it had to do with respect because I know exactly what's it's like to be a horny teenaged boy.

I was not a horny teenaged boy, no da, he protested. I was Well, I was I guess you could say I was scared, no da.

Scared of what?

If I'd be good at it, no da.

Tasuki thought about laughing, but knew that wouldn't be fair. Instead, he merely nodded. I guess I know what you're talking about. I mean, I was nervous my first time too.

Your first kiss, no da?

Well, that and Well, I guess you could say that I went on a crash course when I was fifteen.

Tasuki could feel his friend's mortification building, so he quickly attempted to cover his ass.

Hey, I am a bandit leader. I had to have a reputation.

I suppose so. There was a slight pause before Chichiri then added, But what is left of that reputation now since you're traveling with a monk?

Tasuki pondered that one over a moment before chuckling. Good question. I guess I'll have to start rebuilding once I get home again.

That is if you don't go falling into rivers again, no da. Chichiri retorted. I don't think I could survive saving you again.

Well, next time I'll heed your warnings.

Or just use your common sense. Chichiri began to chuckle too.

What common sense? That one line threw the two seishi into fits of laughter. Gasping for breath, Chichiri leaned forward a little and rested his forehead against Tasuki's chest. The redhead shifted the kesa a bit as their laughter died away and a silence settled on the pair.

Then, Tasuki became viciously aware of their surroundings, the warmth and darkness and just how close they were. It seemed that Chichiri also realized this too. He slowly shifted back into his original position and the bandit sought out that gaze hidden in the shadows. Only the cadence of his heartbeat, their ragged breathing, and the crackle of the fire gave substance to the reality of the shade.

Chichiri's voice came out hesitant and afraid, and the bandit didn't know how in the world to calm him.

With one trembling hand, he reached out and cupped his face, thumb bushing slightly over the scar. He felt Chichiri flinch just a bit, heard his breathing go up a notch, but held his ground with that gesture, unsure as to what was prompting him to do this in the first place.

I think I he trailed off.

I think I I'm kind of tired, no da.

Of course. Tasuki intoned as he pulled his hand away. You need to rebuild your strength. Oyasumi. He leaned in a little closer and before he could stop himself, he placed a light kiss on his friend's forehead.

Once he settled back down did he fully register what he had done and his eyes widened.

came Chichiri's breathless whisper.

Oh shit. He muttered as he sat bolt upright and covered his burning face with his hands. All that talk about kissing underneath a warm kesa, that close to his beloved friend Was it any wonder that happened? Gomen ne.

Oh fuck, I don't know where the hell that came from. I mean, I suppose it had to have come from somewhere but I shouldn't have done something that fucking stupid. Oh shit, Chiri. Gomen nasai.

Unheeding the bandit continued. I've done some pretty stupid shit in my life, but that Oh gods, I am so fucking sorry Chiri. That was certainly uncalled for and I know you must think I'm a freak or something because that was. Well, I don't know what that was, but I know you didn't like me doing something like that.

Tasuki, no da. Chichiri sat up and placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder, effectively shutting him up as he met his gaze. It's not your fault, no da. I certainly don't hate you for doing that. I

He trailed off as their eyes locked. Tasuki gnawed on his lip for a moment with his fangs, uncertain as to what was going on. He noticed that the monk's lips were parted and trembling slightly, but why he noticed he didn't know. He was about to break the awkward silence when suddenly Chichiri broke it for him.

The monk gave no warning nor made any other movement. Tasuki just found himself on his back, and Chichiri's lips crushing his own before his head even hit the pillows. The force of that kiss was strong and almost violent. The breath had been not only knocked out of the younger man, but sucked from him as well as Chichiri plundered his mouth.

For a moment, Tasuki was too shocked to do much else, then he could hear the tiny inarticulate sounds coming from the man on top of him and his arms latched themselves around the slender waist as he returned that kiss with interest. He could feel Chichiri trembling as their mouths opened to deepen the kiss, tongues intertwining in an elaborate dance. Another minute of this mind-reeling ecstasy passed before either one or both realized what was going on and they sat up quickly, drawing away from that embrace.

Tasuki ran fingers through his unruly hair, his hand shaking ever so slightly before his found his voice. 

Gomen nasai Chichiri whispered softly, as if he too were having trouble finding his voice. I don't know where that came from, no da.

Tasuki assured him, even though he had a hard time believing his own words. I make mistakes, you make mistakes. We're only human.

Chichiri looked up, his breathing ragged. Tasuki found his gaze latching first on the monk's mouth that he had just tasted, rosy and swollen from the brutal kiss they had just shared. It was then drawn to the pink stain on his cheeks. Then he locked gazed with that single mahogany eye, the black pupil nearly eclipsing the vibrant iris.

That's when he knew he must look the same way. That's when he felt his heart pounding fiercely. And that's when his resolve slipped.

Aw fuck it, he muttered before he threw himself at Chichiri. The monk had but a moment to react, opening his arms in a welcome before he was pushed back into the blankets, their mouths melding together once again. The fierceness of the kiss melted away after a time into softer, sweeter ones, their hands never stilling along their bodies. Tasuki took full advantage of Chichiri's shirtless appearance while the older man worked feverently to unbutton his partner's shirt.

They then drew away for breaths, their eyes filled with understanding and their minds filled with questions.

Chiri, why

Because you've meant so much to me, Tasuki. Why do you think I was so upset about the dream and why I didn't want to tell you? He reached up and ran his fingers through the silken flame with a shy smile. I just didn't know what came over me.

Yeah, well Tasuki ducked his head and smirked. I'm glad you did. You are one hell of a kisser. He leaned down and claimed the older man's lips again.

Chichiri's blush deepened once he drew away. And you know because

I told ya, I'm a bandit leader. I have a reputation.

So am I to be a one night lay, no da? the monk teased.

Tasuki blinked in shock. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been hanging around me too long.

Damn straight, no da. The monk laughed.

Tasuki looked shocked for a moment before he joined his new lover in his mirth. Then something dawned on him and he sobered. Did you just say? Does that mean that you want to? With me?

Chichiri bit his lip and then nodded resolutely. But not tonight, no da. I still need some time to get used to

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how this happened. Sides, I don't mind waiting. Just so long as you promise to kiss me like that again real soon. He winked before leaning down to nibble at the older man's throat.

Hai, I promise, no da. That is if you promise to listen to me from now on, na no da. He threw his head back with a soft moan as he pulled the younger man closer, running fingers over the muscled back.

Well see Tasuki murmured as he reached down and tugged Chichiri's kesa over the both of them once more.


End file.
